Witty Little Knitter

This started of mildly entertaining. It was painfully obvious who the bad guy was from the moment he appeared but I thought it might still be fun.

Minor spoilers follow.

It did not take me long till I hated everybody.

There's the male lead with a Tragic And Tortured Past (literally...he was tortured by evil Moroccans just before the books starts). He's called Rob Jerk. The female lead (who oddly has different names in the German and English version...to avoid confusion let's just call her Stupid) has a murdered aunt. Sort of. Somebody has murdered Madame Zoe, a fortune teller. Madame Zoe is really Stupid's aunt but only few people know about that. Stupid decides the best course of action is to claim Zoe wasn't murdered but just injured, pretend to be her and wait for the killer to try again.

Yeah...why not. (Conveniently a gypsy once taught her how to read Tarot cards when she was a child...of course she doesn't believe in fortune telling but she still remembers over 60 Tarot cards, their meanings and the different ways you can lay the cards from back then).

At the same time Jerk appears. He is mad at Zoe because he blames her predictions for the death of his wife (whom he never loved and who never loved him) and her son (who isn't his son but the result of her cheating on him, something which he was totally fine with). Zoe told them that she would meet her fate on a journey and the fate turned out to be getting killed by Moroccan pirates.

Jerk also meets Stupid and of course does not know that she is Zoe, he just thinks Stupid is totes hot.

Then the fun starts because Jerk keeps telling Stupid she should stay away from him because otherwise he wouldn't be able to contain himself.

Because it's totally her responsibility when they are dancing at a social gathering, the light suddenly fails, he drags her in a corner and kisses her.

Her logical reaction to this is..spending more time in dark rooms and corners with him because he's so hot and manly...and did we mention hot?

Jerk is super-conflicted because Stupid is so hot but he can never love again after his wife..whom he never loved and he doesn't want to do that to Stupid. He also really needs sex because he has this pain in his loins and he can't go to a prostitute (because Stupid) and oh don't you suffer with him and his manly pain?

(Have you tried masturbation?)

The keep meeting on different occasions and after much angsting on Stupid's side Jerk inevitably finds out that she is Zoe. He yells at her, Stupid decides it wouldn't make any difference if she told him that it was really her aunt who made the prediction that lead to his wife's death because it's not as if he's mad at Zoe for this specific reason..

Wait..

Then they have some hate-sex and decide to catch the killer together (because he's also trying to frame Jerk for the murders).

More sex. More angsting. People keep trying to kill Stupid and she keeps going in dark roads/rooms/alleys alone.

Will she survive despite all odds?

Will they find the real killer who, as mentioned has a massive neon-sign saying I DID IT flashing over his head (despite there not yet being neon-signs in Victorian times...a time-traveler brought it specifically for him)? Or will Jerk get hanged for his crimes?

Will Jerk be able to forgive Stupid that her aunt made the predictions that caused his wife's death? Can they ever be happy together?

You'll have to read to find out..if you want.